CNS Office

[kwinspiritwalker]

:: Sets in and smiles:: Thank you, but for now, I cannot. But,I will keep it in mind. I am fasting to purify my Pagh (Soul). This past mission has forced me to remember things long buried.

:: Walks to a chair and sits down, her novice monk's robe hiding most of her figure and all but her face and hands. Unlike many, Kwin is comfortable talking about her thoughts and her memories. Perhaps it comes from herself being trained as a counselor and she begins. ::

When I was a medic, during the Cardassian Occupation, we were forced from time to time, to take the combatants who didn’t have a chance to survive to a cave where they were given herbs to ease their pain to a degree, but nothing else other than water. When I entered the Orb Camber this past mission, I was back in that room. It was filled with the Pagh of the fallen. I hated going in there when I was a medic because I knew I couldn’t do anything for them. Now I realize that my being there was what I was meant to do. Sometimes the hardest thing to realize is that we cannot heal, that we are only to help comfort.

:: She stops talking, leaving her comments hang where they are. Her hands rest in her lap in the traditional Bajoran prayer fashion (left hand cupping right hand, with palm upward). Her face remains somber and yet at ease with what was just spoken::

[claramarie]

Clara was glad to see Kwin"No please come in and have a set. Would you like a piece of the chocolate your brought me?"

{The first post I did was deleted. Here it is again. I am sorry}

[claramarie]

Clara looks at Kwin in wonder what to say to such a brilliant woman thats she does not already know"Kwin there was nothing that you could do to help those people.Kwin to help your self feel heal you most know that You cant blame your self for there pain you can only hope they didn't suffer to much ,but to move on from the pain you suffer you most know that its not your fault , and I know you Kwin if you could have helped them you would.Those souls feel no anger toward you and you should not feel anger toward your self.Does this make since to you? ::Clara waited for Kwin to answer::

[kwinspiritwalker]

::She smiles knowing that what Clara has to say is true:: You’re right of course and I know this. I know there was nothing I could do to save those in the death cave, even if I had the training I have now and with the technology I have at my disposal today. I realize that I will never be able to heal everyone or everything. There will be darkness in the universe. I cannot prevent pain from occurring to those I love anymore than I can prevent the Prophets from picking me. I think this is what concerns me the most. That the prophets found worth in me and used me and the crew, bring back the orb to Bajor. It is an honor of course, this I realize, but it is also, many think, a curse, for once the prophets touch you; they tend to keep using you until you either destroy yourself in an effort to prevent their use of you, or you submit completely to the will of the prophets. Either way, in the end it appears that there is a loss of freedom when interacting with the prophets at such an intimate level. This is what concerns me. It is not that I don’t realize that the Prophets bless those they interact with, one only needs to look at the life of the emissary Captain Sisko. But also, when looking at his life, it becomes clear that his life is far more complex and far more. . .

:: searching for the correct word::

Exigent than had his life never become entwined with the prophets. Perhaps this is a conversation I should have with him, or with a temple monk. But sometimes, I find that the knowledge gleaned from those outside the system outweighs the knowledge gleaned from true believers. I truly believe in the Prophets, I have interacted with them now twice, they have touched me and left their mark upon me. . .

::pulls the monks head covering off, you notice a silver lock of hair in an otherwise black head of hair. ::

I will willingly do as they ask of me, but at what cost to me? Am I to give completely of the self, forgoing any desires, hopes, dreams, aspirations I have with Star Fleet, with Justin? Am I to simply be a tool of the Prophets or can I effectively be all things to all parties in my life? Can I be a tool of the Prophets as well as a Medical Officer or Ship Counselor at the same time as a wife, a mother, a sister, an aunt, a friend? Have I been asked to do something that I cannot do and yet will do knowing that it could destroy me?

::sits holding the monks head covering in her hands. The confusion in clearly seen in her eyes as she searches her mind for the answers to these life altering questions. ::

[claramarie]

Clara listened as Kwin really poured her heart out to her.She did not understand all the Bajoran customs or pretend too.But it was very obvious that Kwin was questioning her very own path of life and was being pulled from both ends.::Sitting on the end of her desk taking Kwins hands and holding them.::"Kwin you are asking some very profound questions."You are an emissary to the Prophets,yet you are also to be wed and serve Star fleet."::Looking her eye to eye::,"Kwin I do believe the Prophets have touched you."And here you are an assistant medical officer and I believe an expecting mother as well."I think you are doing both serving the Prophets and serving Star fleet."I think you are doing exactly what the Prophets want you to do."From what I understand the Prophets are kind and generous,as are you."Kwin I think the Prophets put you here to help others be a wife,and a mother."See Kwin you are in my opinion doing both and very well."I believe the Prophets are using you now."They know your breaking point."On Earth there is a very old religion called Christianity."In a passage from the book called the Bible their is averse that says GOD will not give you more than you can handle."So I think the same of the Prophets."Kwin it will be hard but I believe with all my heart they will not give you a burden you cant handle."::Letting her hands go and smiling,::"I hope I am making some sense."Clara sat back up and waited,still smiling.

[kwinspiritwalker]

:: pats her lap and stands up, smiling::

Of course you’re making sense, which is why I came to talk to you. Profound questions, perhaps, but they are questions each of us ask one way or another. This time it is my turn to ask them. I stand before you very happy in my life, and yet torn between my culture, which I love, and my chosen profession, which I also love. I do not believe they are combating each other for control over me. They are however, asking of me two very different questions, which in the end may take me to, two very different worlds. However, I elect to travel to these worlds via my profession, while embracing my culture, my faith. I am blessed, for some reason the Prophets consider me worthy for something. It is here with Star Fleet they found me; I believe it is here with Star Fleet they intend to use me.

::walks around the office her mind racing in thought, unable to keep still as she sneezes a few times and continues her thoughts::

But what does this mean? What does it mean for me to be of both worlds, to proudly walk forward, carrying with me the culture and traditions of my people, while healing the larger universe and teaching the benefits of belief, belief not in the Prophets, but belief in things sometimes long forgotten by the weight of technology. Perhaps this is what they wish of me? Perhaps they desire me to speak for those long forgotten by cultures to advance to believe in Prophets, in Gods, in Creators or any other mythological tradition that requires faith not science to believe.

::sits back down her mind racing, she sneezes but doesn’t even realize it as she races to keep up with he mind::

This isn’t an issue of where I am going, for I will remain here. But it is a question of what I am to do while here. I will of course be the best medical officer or counselor I can be, that is without question. As well I will be a good wife, and mother to Pagh that I have no doubt. This question asks me; “Are you willing to speak for us?” Am I willing to carry the tribal knowledge I learned from the native people on Sol, or the Wisdom from the Prophets from my home, of the secrets of claming the mind I have learned from the Vulcan Monks whom I had the honor of visiting for two months. Each culture has valued wisdom from the past that is being swallowed by technology. This wisdom must be kept alive. It is this that I must do I am to keep alive the old wisdoms as they begin to suffocate under the weight of modernity.

:: she is speaking so fast, so articulate it is amazing how clearly she cuts through her thoughts and pieces together what she believes she is to do.

[kwinspiritwalker]

But I have taken to much of your time. I am sorry. You must have many more pressing issues than the mad rantings of a pragnent bajoran. :: she smiles as she gets up ::

Thank you for listening to me. You really have been helpful.

:: with that she replaces her head cover, bows slightly and turns and walks out of the office::

[claramarie]

Clara was thinking about all Kwin had said to her when
suddenly she replied,But I have taken to much of your time. I am sorry. You must have many more pressing issues than the mad rantings of a pregnant bajoran. :: she smiles as she gets up ::

Thank you for listening to me. You really have been helpful.
Clara stood up as she was walking out the door."Kwin I am sorry I was so busy thinking about what you said I broke the first rule as a counselor."I meant no offense
I was only trying to make sure I could put into words what I think you must be going through.::Mad at herself::,she waited hoping she would return.

[claramarie]

Frustrated at herself.she went back in her office keeping the door open and began to go over the crew files.::Looking up::,computer Valkner Ride of The Valkyries please soft."As she went over her reports she listened to the powerful music and let her frustration flow out with the music.

[kwinspiritwalker]

:: an orderly walks into your office carrying a note:: Ma’am this was given to me a few moments ago. He hands you the note and departs as quick as he entered::

Inside an unsealed envelope is a beautifully handwritten note, an art form sadly lost by many as they use technology to send all messages between each other. It reads;

Clara;

I am so glad you are the Counselor for the Aryes. You have the makings of an excellent Counselor. If you can handle my mind and the speed that I work through things, you can handle anyone. I just wanted to send you a personal note of thanks and express my gratitude for your concern and your heart.

Kwin

[claramarie]

Reading the note Clara smiled.She was nervous this being her first duty station.She was glad that she had the support of someone that had much more experience at the CNS job than she did.She opened her drawer and took out a pen and paper.It had been a long while since she had written a note before.She took the pen and wrote,"Thank you for your kind statement it means the world to me your friend Clara."She handed it to a somewhat confused orderly and told them to deliver it to Kwin.

[claramarie]

She went back to work.She looked at her schedule and saw she had 3 appointments with enlisted Marines.She raised her brow slightly.She knew most Marines had to be brought in dragging and kicking.She had hoped Darius would keep coming to see her.His last visit he had been very upset.Her records showed he had nothing logged about him in any negative way,so she hoped he was doing better.She was thinking about asking the Captain about offering relaxation therapy too anyone who wanted to attend.She looked up and saw her first appointment had already arrived.::Smiling::
Hello private Townsend come in and please make yourself at home.

[claramarie]

After he meeting with the Captain she walked back to her office.She picked up the schedule and hung it on her door.It read as follows,VOLUNTARY RELAXATION THERAPY CLASSES ANYONE INTERESTED PLEASE FIND A TIME SLOT ON THE SCHEDULE AND I WILL SEE YOU THERE HAVE A GREAT DAY.IF YOU WISH TO HAVE ONE ON ONE CLASSES PLEASE SEE ME FOR AN APPOINTMENT.

[claramarie]

She sat in her office looking over the crews profiles.She was glad the Captain had given her the go on the classes.Now she put her outline to use and worked hard on getting the classes set up.

[claramarie]

She sat at her desk after her first Relaxation therapy class had taken place.It had went fine as she showed many crew members different techniques to relax.these included visualization,listening and even self hypnosis.Looking at her schedule she found more enlisted marines had scheduled appointments for one on one sessions.Puzzled she set up the appointments.