Post by FMar J Weslynes on Oct 14, 2005 12:46:22 GMT -5
____________________________________________
United Forces Weekly Newsletter
est. 2/1/05
volume 1 issue 15
members no charge
1/2 silver pressed lat.
__________________________________________________________________
Simulations
Live sims
Sundays
USS Aryes NCC 81204
Co Sowren Tirina XO T'Lar
Sovereign Class
8:30 P.M. Eastern, 7:30 P.M. Central, 6:30 P.M. Mountain, and 5:30 P.M. Pacific time.
Needed crew: Ops, Helm, Engineering all assistant postings.
Marines and fighter pilots
Mondays
USS New York NCC 71868
Galaxy class
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific time.
Needed crew: XO, All assistant postings
Marines and Fighter pilots.
Wednesdays
101st Marine Pathfinders
Marine dedicated ground simulation.
CO Keith Fox XO Sandra P Iverson
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific.
Needed crew: Marines and Fighter pilots
Fridays
USS Pegasus NCC 25347
Marine Battlecruiser/carrier Kennedy Class.
Co Fleet General J. Weslynes XO Colonel Hook
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific.
Needed crew: Marines and fighter pilots Versatile officer.
Saturdays
USS Frontier NCC 11385
Titan Class
Co Admiral Charan Taylar XO Kenneith M Basal
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific.
Needed crew: Tac officer, Marines
Board simulations
USS Vindicator NCC 16052
Patton Class
Co Colonel Qlb Keraz XO Richard Harsting
All crew and ship activity takes place on the boards it is suggested that the crew check in daily to see if their character needs to post.
Needed crew: XO, CMO, Tac officer, Marines
New simulation on the boards.
USS Terrasect NCC 70000
Terrasect class
Co Flt Admiral J Harsting XO Pending
All crew and ship activity takes place on the boards it is suggested that the crew check in daily to see if their character needs to post.
Need crew: almost every position is open
____________________________________________
Ships news.
USS Ayres NCC 81204
The USS Ayres has undergone some personnel changes of late. One of those changes has to do with her CSci officer who was recently posted at Helm. We have learned that Inid Kiara a Bajoran, who minored in Helm, in the academy. While there she discovered her love of helm. She looks forward to this career change.
They were attacked by a Cardassin Battle cruiser. Their new fighter Pilot Souichiro Nagi had a most eventful first day on the Ayres.
The New York NCC 71868
The New York arrived at the Darken system for the ship and crew testing. She arrived a few minutes behind schedule and was greeted by three attack drones. Good luck New York!
The new fighter pilot was given his chance to show what he's capable of.
101st Marine Pathfinders
They continue to work at putting down the rebel uprisings. This week they came across a crime scene on a Federation ship, that was attacked by the rebel forces.
In addition, there is a developing mystery that points to the commanding officer. Lets us hope this is unfounded.
USS Pegasus NCC 25347
This ship has seen its share of crew changes. And is fast approaching its first anniversary. There still remains a few of the original members. A special story line will begin to celebrate her anniversary.
A history of the Pegasus was started and can be found in the Generals Office on the ship. It will include the tales of the ship and crew. This is expected to last for several weeks. Anyone interested in learning more about this ship and her crew are welcome to read these logs. There will be daily entries.
USS Frontier NCC 11378
The Frontier while investigating the reason for the helm and related systems to be out long enough to be off course and encountered a previously unknown planet. It was discovered the planet was undergoing drastic climate changes.
This resulted in the evacuation of the people on the planet. They are now headed for the medical ship the USS Hope.
Board sim news
The USS Vindicator NCC 16502 our longest running board sim, is still on Tolnac II. She began her Marine troop training and while there, members of the Marine corps were attacked and killed.
The Colonel is now preparing a response to this attack. Good luck Colonel.
The very talented Science Officer Abbee Tyckura has come up with a way to allow communications even under the extreme conditions found on Talnoc II
USS Terrasect NCC 70000
The Terrasect is now preparing for her maiden launch as a board sim. I have learned that her primarily mission will be exploration and first contact.
The Terrasect unlike our other vessels comes complete with a promenade. Where several enterprising business will be able to set up shop.
Good luck to the Terrasect and her crew.
_________________________________________
Fleet news
KEF
Several months ago we were approached by the Klingon Expeditionary Forces, to enter into a strong alliance. After careful consideration the alliance has been accepted by the United Forces.
Her ship the IKV Talon, will be docked at our base. She is a BoP, Bird of Prey. Any member wishing to be apart of this crew is welcomed to join them. She sims on Thursdays at 12:00 P.M., Eastern.
From the desk of Admiral Harsting
Esteemed Colleagues;
As those of you who frequent our message boards may have noticed, there have been a few minor changes to them. I wanted to let you all know about these changes, so there will be no confusion on the changes therein.
Many posts have been moved in the "Live Sim" category. This items were not deleted. Under your respective ships, there are two new 'sub-boards' listed at the top of your boards (where your old posts used to be). These were placed to better organize the information held in our sim boards. They basically are the "Log Archive" and "Officer Logs".
Under the "Log Archive", your Commanding Officer will be able to post the previous sim logs. Only your commanding officer will be able to post here. If any of the COs have any problems, please contact me. Unfortunately, previous logs that were housed under the "Starship Database" section of the website were lost, so we will be unable to post those logs.
The sub-boards entitled "Officer Logs" are there for each member to be able to make personal, as well as official logs to add some depth to your sim, as well as your character.
If anyone has any suggestions, complaints, or anything of the sort regarding the United Forces Website, or the boards, please contact myself or Rear Admiral Basal.
Remember, our website URL! www.stunitedforces.com !
On another note, I'd like to thank everyone for working so hard and putting so much effort into the United Forces. It's paying off.
If anyone needs to contact me about anything, feel free! Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Fleet Admiral James A. Harsting
fltadmjaharsting@aol.com
Co-CnC, Navy, United Forces
From the desk of Flt General Weslynes
I have been working on designing ribbons and medals for the United Forces that are uniquely our own. This week the first of those ribbons will be presented. This will be ongoing project and will include awards for various activities. An example, would include, recruiting, working as a mentor to anyone needing race specific help, strong posters on the boards.
In addition, there will be ribbons awarded for the usual things they are awarded for. Such as being a fighter pilot, service in the Fleet or in the Marines. As soon as enough of these have been designed, hopefully we will include these on the website.
If anyone has any questions, suggestions, or comments feel free to contact me at JeninaWeslynes1@aol.com , or in my office on the boards.
Thank you,
Fleet General Jenina Weslynes
Co CnC Marine division
United Forces
___________________________________________________________
Our forums
I am happy to announce our forums are just as active as they have always been. This is a testament to the greatness of the simmers we have. We now have over 2688 postings in 202 topics. This is a great testament to who we are and the shared love of the United Forces we all have.
To those members who post, I want to let you know what a great job your doing. We actually got a few recruits over the summer based on the strong showing on the boards. Lets continue to have this strong support.
___________________________________________________________
Interview of the week.
Officer or enlisted will be chosen at random whoever is online at the time. This is an idea taken from our members. Sorry to say I forgot your name bad General that I am. Please step forward so I can give you the proper credit, for this idea.
The officer who is responsible for this idea is Talin Maurl. Thank you, a few members have contacted me telling me how much they enjoyed this section. Good work
Colonel Tarrgh USS Pegasus
Is one of the first members of the United Forces and the USS Pegasus. He served under General Weslynes, when she was the CO of the Pegasus predecessor. Colonel Tarrgh is now a Widower. Among Klingons he is known as Tarrgh is a son of Mogh. The house of Mogh is an old house filled with honor. Its history steeped in the art of forging weapons by hand.
Here is an part of the interview.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:21 A.M.]: Why did you decide to join Star Fleet?
Tarrgh [11:21 A.M.]: Starfleet? or the ST UF?
Tarrgh [11:21 A.M.]: I wanted to Join the Best of the Best.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:22 A.M.]: why did you chose Engineering
Tarrgh [11:23 A.M.]: I chose Enginerring after having been through Just about every position on a ship over time.. I found I have a "Natural" ability in Enginering
Tarrgh [11:24 A.M.]: I find Enginering allows me to be more creative.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:27 A.M.]: What is your favorite hobby?
Tarrgh [11:27 A.M.]: My Favorite Hobby Is working in my Forge making many of the Blades I often give away
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:28 A.M.]: How many children do you have?
Tarrgh [11:29 A.M.]: well I have had several but currently I have one Known Son Living who serves in the KHG as a CEN on their Flagship.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:30 A.M.]: Is there anything you would like our membership to know about you?
Tarrgh [11:31 A.M.]: Just that I can be very Friendly and am willing to talk to anyone to help them out.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:32 A.M.]: okies thank you.
Tarrgh [11:32 A.M.]: your welcome
___________________________________________________________
New members
The United Forces welcomes these new members and extends our friendship. There usually someone in the RR who can answer any question or assist you in any way possible.
USS Aryes NCC 81204
The Aryes welcomes Jaden Marcos Leora, a human. Hes been accepted as the new helmsmen.
The Aryes also welcomes B Valesa Loa, A changling/human hybrid. She has been assigned to the Science post.
USS New York NCC 71868
The New York welcomes Zandile Rey. A Vulcan/human who's been posted at helm.
Another new crew member to join the New York is Jake Melor a human and will serve as her science officer.
101st Pathfinders
The 101st welcomes Damian Lucifel a Betazoid. Who was raised on Earth and then returned to Betazed for training in his mental abilities.
USS Frontier NCC 11378
The Frontier welcomes James Hunter a Romulan/human hybrid to the Marine division.
Goddoe a human has joined the Frontier and will receive his posting when he reports.
Board sims
The USS Vindicator welcomes PFC Thomas Kinsely, as its newest Marine. He hails from Scotland, Earth.
The USS Terrasect has welcomed 5 new members to her crew
1) Duncan Kinsely joins the crew as an engineer
2) Jason Fedor joins as the XO
3) David Foster joins as the MCO
4) Hidyaki Nagi joins as CSec
5) Trevor Baccus joins as the Cmo
This weeks top recruiter is Lt Heath MaIc, from the USS New York.
________________________________________________________
If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek
Picard:
Sigma Indri, that's the star.
So, Data, how far? How far?
Data:
Our ship can get there very fast,
but still the trip will last and last.
We'll have two days till we arrive,
but can the Indrans there survive?
Picard:
LaForge, please give us factor nine.
LaForge:
But sir, the engines are offline!
Picard:
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make is so, please make it so!
Riker:
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
we can't, we mustn't, and we shan't.
The danger here is far to great.
Picard:
But surely we must not be late!
Troi:
I'm sensing anger and great ire.
Computer:
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
Picard:
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
Riker:
Not me.
Worf:
Not me.
Picard:
Computer, how long till we die?
Computer:
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
Data:
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
extinguishers from tractor beams,
and stop the fire, or so it seems...
Geordi:
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, hurray! Hurray!
Picard:
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
Troi:
We still must save the Indran planet-
Data:
Which, by the way, is made of granite...
Picard:
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand-we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, please make it so.
Geordi:
There's sabotage among the wires,
and that's what started all the fires.
Riker:
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
Troi:
We must seek out the traitor spy,
and lock him up, and ask him why?
Worf:
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.
Troi:
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
that we haven't heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
Crusher:
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, Help us, clothe us, feed us!
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor must attempt-must try!
Picard:
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
Crusher:
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*Commercial break, commercial break.
How long will these dumb ads take?*
Worf:
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun-
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall.
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form,
all soft and purple, round and warm.
Picard:
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
Worf:
I did and then I beat him fairly,
hit him on the jaw-quite squarely.
Riker:
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end.
Crusher:
Now let's get our ship to fly,
and orbit yonder Indran sky!
Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
Geordi:
Yes, sir, we can.
Picard:
Then make it so!
Author Unknown
SJTrek © Copyright Stephen Jacob, 1994-2002.
thank you to www.sjtrek.com/trek/humour/ for this edition of trek humor.
_________________________________________________
any ideas, suggestion, or comments to improve this newsletter will be greatly appreciated. Anyone wishing to join the staff of one for this weekly under taking please apply at the editors office or to me directly.
I will be testing out various days of the week to see which is the best one to put out the newsletter.
United Forces Weekly Newsletter
est. 2/1/05
volume 1 issue 15
members no charge
1/2 silver pressed lat.
__________________________________________________________________
Simulations
Live sims
Sundays
USS Aryes NCC 81204
Co Sowren Tirina XO T'Lar
Sovereign Class
8:30 P.M. Eastern, 7:30 P.M. Central, 6:30 P.M. Mountain, and 5:30 P.M. Pacific time.
Needed crew: Ops, Helm, Engineering all assistant postings.
Marines and fighter pilots
Mondays
USS New York NCC 71868
Galaxy class
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific time.
Needed crew: XO, All assistant postings
Marines and Fighter pilots.
Wednesdays
101st Marine Pathfinders
Marine dedicated ground simulation.
CO Keith Fox XO Sandra P Iverson
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific.
Needed crew: Marines and Fighter pilots
Fridays
USS Pegasus NCC 25347
Marine Battlecruiser/carrier Kennedy Class.
Co Fleet General J. Weslynes XO Colonel Hook
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific.
Needed crew: Marines and fighter pilots Versatile officer.
Saturdays
USS Frontier NCC 11385
Titan Class
Co Admiral Charan Taylar XO Kenneith M Basal
10:00 P.M. Eastern, 9:00 P.M. Central, 8:00 P.M. Mountain, and 7:00 P.M. Pacific.
Needed crew: Tac officer, Marines
Board simulations
USS Vindicator NCC 16052
Patton Class
Co Colonel Qlb Keraz XO Richard Harsting
All crew and ship activity takes place on the boards it is suggested that the crew check in daily to see if their character needs to post.
Needed crew: XO, CMO, Tac officer, Marines
New simulation on the boards.
USS Terrasect NCC 70000
Terrasect class
Co Flt Admiral J Harsting XO Pending
All crew and ship activity takes place on the boards it is suggested that the crew check in daily to see if their character needs to post.
Need crew: almost every position is open
____________________________________________
Ships news.
USS Ayres NCC 81204
The USS Ayres has undergone some personnel changes of late. One of those changes has to do with her CSci officer who was recently posted at Helm. We have learned that Inid Kiara a Bajoran, who minored in Helm, in the academy. While there she discovered her love of helm. She looks forward to this career change.
They were attacked by a Cardassin Battle cruiser. Their new fighter Pilot Souichiro Nagi had a most eventful first day on the Ayres.
The New York NCC 71868
The New York arrived at the Darken system for the ship and crew testing. She arrived a few minutes behind schedule and was greeted by three attack drones. Good luck New York!
The new fighter pilot was given his chance to show what he's capable of.
101st Marine Pathfinders
They continue to work at putting down the rebel uprisings. This week they came across a crime scene on a Federation ship, that was attacked by the rebel forces.
In addition, there is a developing mystery that points to the commanding officer. Lets us hope this is unfounded.
USS Pegasus NCC 25347
This ship has seen its share of crew changes. And is fast approaching its first anniversary. There still remains a few of the original members. A special story line will begin to celebrate her anniversary.
A history of the Pegasus was started and can be found in the Generals Office on the ship. It will include the tales of the ship and crew. This is expected to last for several weeks. Anyone interested in learning more about this ship and her crew are welcome to read these logs. There will be daily entries.
USS Frontier NCC 11378
The Frontier while investigating the reason for the helm and related systems to be out long enough to be off course and encountered a previously unknown planet. It was discovered the planet was undergoing drastic climate changes.
This resulted in the evacuation of the people on the planet. They are now headed for the medical ship the USS Hope.
Board sim news
The USS Vindicator NCC 16502 our longest running board sim, is still on Tolnac II. She began her Marine troop training and while there, members of the Marine corps were attacked and killed.
The Colonel is now preparing a response to this attack. Good luck Colonel.
The very talented Science Officer Abbee Tyckura has come up with a way to allow communications even under the extreme conditions found on Talnoc II
USS Terrasect NCC 70000
The Terrasect is now preparing for her maiden launch as a board sim. I have learned that her primarily mission will be exploration and first contact.
The Terrasect unlike our other vessels comes complete with a promenade. Where several enterprising business will be able to set up shop.
Good luck to the Terrasect and her crew.
_________________________________________
Fleet news
KEF
Several months ago we were approached by the Klingon Expeditionary Forces, to enter into a strong alliance. After careful consideration the alliance has been accepted by the United Forces.
Her ship the IKV Talon, will be docked at our base. She is a BoP, Bird of Prey. Any member wishing to be apart of this crew is welcomed to join them. She sims on Thursdays at 12:00 P.M., Eastern.
From the desk of Admiral Harsting
Esteemed Colleagues;
As those of you who frequent our message boards may have noticed, there have been a few minor changes to them. I wanted to let you all know about these changes, so there will be no confusion on the changes therein.
Many posts have been moved in the "Live Sim" category. This items were not deleted. Under your respective ships, there are two new 'sub-boards' listed at the top of your boards (where your old posts used to be). These were placed to better organize the information held in our sim boards. They basically are the "Log Archive" and "Officer Logs".
Under the "Log Archive", your Commanding Officer will be able to post the previous sim logs. Only your commanding officer will be able to post here. If any of the COs have any problems, please contact me. Unfortunately, previous logs that were housed under the "Starship Database" section of the website were lost, so we will be unable to post those logs.
The sub-boards entitled "Officer Logs" are there for each member to be able to make personal, as well as official logs to add some depth to your sim, as well as your character.
If anyone has any suggestions, complaints, or anything of the sort regarding the United Forces Website, or the boards, please contact myself or Rear Admiral Basal.
Remember, our website URL! www.stunitedforces.com !
On another note, I'd like to thank everyone for working so hard and putting so much effort into the United Forces. It's paying off.
If anyone needs to contact me about anything, feel free! Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Fleet Admiral James A. Harsting
fltadmjaharsting@aol.com
Co-CnC, Navy, United Forces
From the desk of Flt General Weslynes
I have been working on designing ribbons and medals for the United Forces that are uniquely our own. This week the first of those ribbons will be presented. This will be ongoing project and will include awards for various activities. An example, would include, recruiting, working as a mentor to anyone needing race specific help, strong posters on the boards.
In addition, there will be ribbons awarded for the usual things they are awarded for. Such as being a fighter pilot, service in the Fleet or in the Marines. As soon as enough of these have been designed, hopefully we will include these on the website.
If anyone has any questions, suggestions, or comments feel free to contact me at JeninaWeslynes1@aol.com , or in my office on the boards.
Thank you,
Fleet General Jenina Weslynes
Co CnC Marine division
United Forces
___________________________________________________________
Our forums
I am happy to announce our forums are just as active as they have always been. This is a testament to the greatness of the simmers we have. We now have over 2688 postings in 202 topics. This is a great testament to who we are and the shared love of the United Forces we all have.
To those members who post, I want to let you know what a great job your doing. We actually got a few recruits over the summer based on the strong showing on the boards. Lets continue to have this strong support.
___________________________________________________________
Interview of the week.
Officer or enlisted will be chosen at random whoever is online at the time. This is an idea taken from our members. Sorry to say I forgot your name bad General that I am. Please step forward so I can give you the proper credit, for this idea.
The officer who is responsible for this idea is Talin Maurl. Thank you, a few members have contacted me telling me how much they enjoyed this section. Good work
Colonel Tarrgh USS Pegasus
Is one of the first members of the United Forces and the USS Pegasus. He served under General Weslynes, when she was the CO of the Pegasus predecessor. Colonel Tarrgh is now a Widower. Among Klingons he is known as Tarrgh is a son of Mogh. The house of Mogh is an old house filled with honor. Its history steeped in the art of forging weapons by hand.
Here is an part of the interview.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:21 A.M.]: Why did you decide to join Star Fleet?
Tarrgh [11:21 A.M.]: Starfleet? or the ST UF?
Tarrgh [11:21 A.M.]: I wanted to Join the Best of the Best.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:22 A.M.]: why did you chose Engineering
Tarrgh [11:23 A.M.]: I chose Enginerring after having been through Just about every position on a ship over time.. I found I have a "Natural" ability in Enginering
Tarrgh [11:24 A.M.]: I find Enginering allows me to be more creative.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:27 A.M.]: What is your favorite hobby?
Tarrgh [11:27 A.M.]: My Favorite Hobby Is working in my Forge making many of the Blades I often give away
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:28 A.M.]: How many children do you have?
Tarrgh [11:29 A.M.]: well I have had several but currently I have one Known Son Living who serves in the KHG as a CEN on their Flagship.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:30 A.M.]: Is there anything you would like our membership to know about you?
Tarrgh [11:31 A.M.]: Just that I can be very Friendly and am willing to talk to anyone to help them out.
Jenina Weslynes1 [11:32 A.M.]: okies thank you.
Tarrgh [11:32 A.M.]: your welcome
___________________________________________________________
New members
The United Forces welcomes these new members and extends our friendship. There usually someone in the RR who can answer any question or assist you in any way possible.
USS Aryes NCC 81204
The Aryes welcomes Jaden Marcos Leora, a human. Hes been accepted as the new helmsmen.
The Aryes also welcomes B Valesa Loa, A changling/human hybrid. She has been assigned to the Science post.
USS New York NCC 71868
The New York welcomes Zandile Rey. A Vulcan/human who's been posted at helm.
Another new crew member to join the New York is Jake Melor a human and will serve as her science officer.
101st Pathfinders
The 101st welcomes Damian Lucifel a Betazoid. Who was raised on Earth and then returned to Betazed for training in his mental abilities.
USS Frontier NCC 11378
The Frontier welcomes James Hunter a Romulan/human hybrid to the Marine division.
Goddoe a human has joined the Frontier and will receive his posting when he reports.
Board sims
The USS Vindicator welcomes PFC Thomas Kinsely, as its newest Marine. He hails from Scotland, Earth.
The USS Terrasect has welcomed 5 new members to her crew
1) Duncan Kinsely joins the crew as an engineer
2) Jason Fedor joins as the XO
3) David Foster joins as the MCO
4) Hidyaki Nagi joins as CSec
5) Trevor Baccus joins as the Cmo
This weeks top recruiter is Lt Heath MaIc, from the USS New York.
________________________________________________________
If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek
Picard:
Sigma Indri, that's the star.
So, Data, how far? How far?
Data:
Our ship can get there very fast,
but still the trip will last and last.
We'll have two days till we arrive,
but can the Indrans there survive?
Picard:
LaForge, please give us factor nine.
LaForge:
But sir, the engines are offline!
Picard:
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make is so, please make it so!
Riker:
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
we can't, we mustn't, and we shan't.
The danger here is far to great.
Picard:
But surely we must not be late!
Troi:
I'm sensing anger and great ire.
Computer:
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
Picard:
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
Riker:
Not me.
Worf:
Not me.
Picard:
Computer, how long till we die?
Computer:
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
Data:
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
extinguishers from tractor beams,
and stop the fire, or so it seems...
Geordi:
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, hurray! Hurray!
Picard:
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
Troi:
We still must save the Indran planet-
Data:
Which, by the way, is made of granite...
Picard:
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand-we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, please make it so.
Geordi:
There's sabotage among the wires,
and that's what started all the fires.
Riker:
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
Troi:
We must seek out the traitor spy,
and lock him up, and ask him why?
Worf:
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.
Troi:
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
that we haven't heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
Crusher:
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, Help us, clothe us, feed us!
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor must attempt-must try!
Picard:
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
Crusher:
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*Commercial break, commercial break.
How long will these dumb ads take?*
Worf:
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun-
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall.
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form,
all soft and purple, round and warm.
Picard:
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
Worf:
I did and then I beat him fairly,
hit him on the jaw-quite squarely.
Riker:
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end.
Crusher:
Now let's get our ship to fly,
and orbit yonder Indran sky!
Picard:
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
Geordi:
Yes, sir, we can.
Picard:
Then make it so!
Author Unknown
SJTrek © Copyright Stephen Jacob, 1994-2002.
thank you to www.sjtrek.com/trek/humour/ for this edition of trek humor.
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